Best You Are All a Bunch of Dopes

No exemption even if you're wearing them ironically. Same strictness even if you're wearing them to be ironic about people that wear them ironically.


Each time I see some grown kid or little adult wearing them on the street or the internet I'm whisked back to a memory from 1986: Summer Fun Fair at my elementary school, I win a black pair (so this is when they weren't retro but cutting edge) playing the game where you want to push the bowling ball over the hump but not all the way to the end, right? And I think I'm so cool. I am THRILLED to have won them, I can feel my life turning around when I hold them in my hands. I go home. I immediately sit on them and break them in half at the nose. There's a stabbing in my pride and a draining of my joy. I feel the residue of this instant crestfallenness of twentytwo summers past whenever I glance these upon the guy who hands out the Metro at my stop or for sale on St Marks or any 5th Avenue streetcorner. Kanye, you brought heartbreak back to me.