Monday, December 27, 2004

Best Killing of the Time

My sitemeter is blowing up, Steady Mobbin' is getting non-stop visitors, and this can only mean one thing: people want content! They're wondering if I'm ever going to post again after Christmas. And most of these visitors are visiting from within my own house, using the very computer I'm sitting at. Trying to come up with content under these conditions is like trying to use the bathroom with someone watching, but here, here's something.

I'm a little bored. I've been waking up, eating, and napping. But I just discovered that there are lots of new movie trailers at the Apple website, so I'm going to evaluate them. This should be good, for a couple of minutes.

The Wedding Crashers looks like a buddy movie starring Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughan as guys who sneak into weddings that they aren't invited to to meet girls. Reminds me of a similar plan buddy Andrew and I had one summer when Ashley and Melanie were working as wedding caterers. We were thinking we'd spend all summer going to wedding receptions, for dessert, mostly . . . and for that feeling of having snuck into something. We didn't do it once.

The Longest Yard Adam Sandler stars in this remake of "The Waterboy." I did some licensing of songs for this film . . . am I allowed to talk about that? You always hear about "Attorney/Client privilege." Is that what I'm violating whenever I say, "Yeah, I licensed some songs for that." Naw, they couldn't possibly be talking about that.

The Pink Panther Here's what we know: Steve Martin's take on the Pink Panther films is going to be awful, how can it not be? Yet the trailer doesn't immediately betray any of that awfulness to a complete degree. This I take to be clever marketing, if you want to know how terrible this movie is, you're going to have see it yourself. It's like how they wouldn't show Godzilla in the Godzilla trailers and advertisements at first.

The Chronicles of Narnia not a true trailer, but a behind the scenes thing. Blah blah blah we're Weta blah blah blah, you'll remember us from Lord of the Rings blah blah blah look how authentic we're making everything for the Centaurs blah blah blah this movie is going to have kids in it blah blah blah magical memories from your childhood blah blah blah. Because of the Chronicles of Narnia I bought a piece of Turkish Delight in Edinburgh and it was gross.

Kicking and Screaming Will Farrell acting ridiculous and yelling at kids and grown ups? Sure, why not.

Sin City You have to really, really be into comics from the 90s to even pretend that this looks interesting. Robert Rodriguez doesn't really make good movies, and yeah, Frank Miller wrote this . . . but he also wrote Robocop 2&3.

Dark Water These Japanese-influenced horror movies have gone too far. Jennifer Connelly, she moves into a new apartment . . . and it's leaky!

Rebound I clicked the link to see what this movie was, and as soon as I saw the picture of Martin Lawrence holding the basketball too high for the kids to reach it and looking all grouchy, I just couldn't bring myself to click to watch the trailer.

Racing Stripes Do you want to want to die? Watch this trailer. I saw it in the theater this week, I almost didn't stay around to watch the movie. Good thing they played the Star Wars Trailer right after it.

Ong Bak I saw Hero, and it was boring, and billowy, and all they did was talk about their feelings. I refuse to see another martial arts film where everything is beautiful and billowy and they just talk about their feelings the whole time, that's why I'm not even curious to find out what House of Flying Daggers is about. This trailer gives me faith in fighting movies again. And how. And here's another trailer for it, just in case that first didn't make you die from awesome. Can you believe the kicking this guy does? I can't wait for him to star in a buddy movie with a wisecrackin' comedian.

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