Friday, July 21, 2006
Best Unexpected Bestness
Something that maybe you didn't know: I didn't see a midnight screening of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, or even see it on the day it opened, or even the weekend it opened. In fact, I didn't see Pirates of the Caribbean until the evening of July 20th. That gave me plenty of time to hear pretty negative or iffy things about it from my friends and family. In fact, I don't think I talked to a single person that straight-up liked it. And this all seemed so ridiculous to me, that people could dislike the Pirates movie, but these weren't just the usual haters putting the movie down, it was all sorts of trustworthy, respectable folk. So I went into Pirates tonight/last night bracing myself for disappointment (which is different from going in with low expectations, that's what I would be doing if I were even considering seeing Lady in the Water). During the first two acts the movie came close to losing me, but by the third act (and no, I can't tell you precisely when each act began or ended) something clicked and I was digging the movie real hard. So much bravery! So much treachery! So much heroism! So much villainy! Here's a numbered list of impressions.
BTW, I'm just going to assume that I was the last person in the world to see this movie and will probably be talking about all the "spoilers" so steer clear if that's a problem for you.
1) The movie has been universally criticized for its length. Surprise, surprise, I didn't want it to end. It's not like it was a Lord of the Rings movie. But during the middle of the film, when I didn't know that I was going to love it, I really wished they had skipped some of the stuff at the beginning. I imagine a version of this movie where the first time we see Jack Sparrow and his crew is on the cannibal island and everything that happened up to then would be explained later.
2) OH! After seeing Pirates 1 I SO knew that Will Turner's dad was alive. I tried telling people this like a missionary on some sort of . . . uhm . . . mission. Because he was cursed like everyone else! So he was just trapped, undead at the bottom of the sea. But in my version, he had gotten free and walked along the ocean floor to land. And my version of Boostrap Bill was a lot more, uh, dashing?
3) If I had tentacles I would have woken up.
4) The plot stuff that I didn't understand during the movie I'm going to assume was explained too quickly by people with accents or mouths full of water. It wasn't until my third viewing of Pirates 1 that I had a firm understanding of why everything that happened happened and the ins and outs of the curse, so I'm going to assume the same about Pirates 2 until it proves me wrong.
5) There were some incredibly wicked double-entendres in this movie.
6) There was some incredibly great double-crossings in this movie, I mean, come on! Did you know Elizabeth had it in her? Did you really?
7) At the same time, come on, weren't you like yessss (fist pump) when Jack had his change of heart and then what a great shot of him back on the deck of the Pearl.
8) I could NOT believe how Empire Strikes Back this movie was. I mean, if you take Han Solo's twist from the end of A New Hope and then add the end of Empire, you've got the end of Empire Strikes Back.
9) I loved Barbosa's return! And by Barbosa's return, I mean when the monkey found him in the Voodoo Hut. I was just like sweeeeeeeet when I saw that and when he officially returned at the very end I was like "Yeahh."
10) I loved how the monkey was like this little bonus problem that came with reclaiming the Pearl. If you never stuck around for the extra scene at the end of Pirates 1 then you probably had to have the person next to you explain that.
11) I could have done without the necklace of toes.
12) What did the Indian in the other bone ball say to Will that made his ball want to go faster? I didn't hear that at all.
13) Jack escaping from the cannibals and the business with the fruit on his pole almost lost me.
13.5) During the middle part of the movie where I was close to disliking this movie I thought to myself, "What is this, some sort of Harry Potter movie?"
14) Let's hear it for digital effects! I mean, seriously you guys, Davey Jones' beard? Come on!
15) EFY's theme next year is probably going to be "Which Way Does Your Compass Point?" I mean, that's something you can think about in bed at night, if you followed the arrow on Jack Sparrow's compass, where would it take you?
16) That Voodoo Lady. Whoah. Better than the Oracle from the Matrix, that's for sure.
17) What, exactly, was the deal with that dark cliffy castle place at the beginning? I mean, what sort of a place was that? What business were they up to there? I hope this is at least touched on in the next movie. Because, I don't know about you, but I think it was a bad place.
18) I want it to be Jack and Elizabeth together at the end of Pirates3.
I think that's it. If you haven't guessed, that picture up top is of Jack in Pirates 3 (so maybe he isn't dead?). I got it from this forum post. Click around in there, it looks like the bad Asian pirates from Swiss Family Robinson are back at it again!
Posted by Brigham at 1:57 AM