GOOD NEWS Do not worry! Last night, in a frantic battle that spanned three planetoids, I defeated Bowzer and restored the Mushroom Kingdom to normalcy! How many Stars did I earn? The bare minimum 61. Will I get all 121? Probably not.
BAD NEWS I'm taking the news of Hulk Hogans' divorce really hard. Linda, come on, I saw the episode of Hogan Knows Best where you two decided not to get divorced! I don't like my reality to conflict with my reality TV. And maybe you think I'm just saying that I'm taking this news hard just to say that but guys you have to take me seriously, I dreampt I was visiting the Hogans last night.
UGLY NEWS I went to two different grocery stores this morning looking for cilantro--neither had it. Between the two of them, they had one fresh jalepeno. Also, neither store had a Totino's Party Pizza, and I was in the mood for one. Oddly.