Monday, September 22, 2008

Best You Are All a Bunch of Dopes II

You need to quit trying to use the word "whatevs", it always comes out so tentatively and awkwardly, like when a missionary tries out a slang word he's heard on the street in his new language. Even worst would be "whatev." Linguistically, these two are at least as appalling as shutter shades.

Let me get Oxford English Dictionary on you and dare to claim that "whatevs" was born of the blog "whatevs.org" which doesn't even exist anymore (born in 2002 or 1995, depending on the incomplete internet research I've tried to conduct, dead by February 2008, somesay victim to insidious Russian hackers). A pop-culture minded soapbox of one Uncle Grambo, the blog was the birthing spot for all sorts of slangterms that haven't yet totally infiltrated our Gossip Girl vocabulary.

For the sake of Never Forget, let me present to you an Abbreviated Whatevs Lexicon (ripped from another spot on the internet, I didn't write any of this part):

best - best, obvs. usually used as the sentence "best!" or "so best!"
bovs - beyond obvious.
buzz - something has "buzz" if it's being talked about or is cool.
durst - worst, as in Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit. worse than "no buzz", worse than worst. or wurst. eg. "Brit Brit's perf of "Me Against The Music" was side splittingly durst"
eff - obvs.
evs - ever. obvs.
no buzz - opposite of buzz. e.g. "Luis Guzman has no buzz w/out Soderbergh"
obvs - obviously, obvs.
p.h.c.f.y.s.b. - piping hot content for your sexy bod
shmears - seriously. shmears is short for shmeariously, which is short for seriously, like 'breakfast shmreakfast' mallrats stizz.
schmobvs - obvs schmobvs, so it means obvs.
stizz - style. eg. "Uma Thurman? amazing face. great pins. strangely appealing feet ('kill bill' stizz)"
tigs - tight.
whatevs - whatever, obvs.
WOM - word of mouth
uggs - ugly

That's what I've got to say right now.

Footnote: Had I the power or authority, I would surrender "whatevs" entry into the popular vernacular in exchange for everyone knowing how to spell the word "yeah" (which is actually a word, not just a piece of onomatopoeia [meaning: it's not "ya"]), but in that regard I might as well be calling for a reining in the use of the word "random."

Also, apparently my taste in grammar has shifted from the descriptivist to the prescriptivist schools.

Footnote 2: When I get bored but have a computer at my disposal apparently I just like to start fights with all my friends.

4 comments:

M said...

not going to pick a fight here. i've always been a prescriptivist. (i'm sure that doesn't surprise you).

btw, what are your thoughts about cockney (the cant - not the accent)? because i think that's a whole different matter. almost like art. but only when done by a true native.

m l e said...

question: you do know that if you go over to the prescriptivist camp that you loose all street cred, right?

Smash said...

Your blog could use more p.h.c.f.y.s.b.

JK! LOL

On a totally unrelated and kind of weird note, I think my cousin and your brother are friends at BYU. I saw some pictures of her on facebook with a young man named Greg Barnes from Oak Park.

Small world.

Kristen said...

For the record, I don't use the word random incorrectly anymore.