Best To Not Think About it Too Much

Sheesh, Iron Man 2. Really, I should have just watched it and not thought about it afterwords because now I'm pretty sure that you were a very "ehh" movie . . . if not a dumb movie. And I hate to have to say that, but being dumb isn't the same as being bad.

Bullet Points!

• Why did nothing happen in this movie? Why were there only three action sequences? And one of them was a fight over Iron Man being drunk at his birthday party? Come on. Why couldn't Iron Man like, rescue a crashing plane like Superman did or pick up a car and throw it at Whiplash or something?
• That said, it was fun when that Rolls Royce was getting sliced up.
• And, in defense of the movie, I don't get it when critics say "There were too many characters and too many plots in this movie! I got so confused!" Really? Iron Man 2 confused you? And seven characters are too many for you to keep track of? Because that's pretty much how many characters were in this movie (not counting cameos from beyond the grave).
• And while it's neat at the time to have the little Easter Eggs from the other upcoming Marvel movies eventually this could feel kind of like these movies are all just ads for the Avengers. Yes, I was definitely like "Wooo! Look! There's [redacted]'s [redacted.]" and "Awesome! It's [redacted]!" But those were such knee jerk Wooos and Awesomes. Pure geek reflex action, and is this what I've been reduced to? Someone that all he has to see is [redacted] or [redacted] and he feels like he just watched the best movie of the summer?
• I got a kick out of Sam Rockwell's Justin Hammer but eventually found myself wondering if this thing was turning into a comedy. And I know what Rockwell is like, but was he doing a Wilson Brother impression?
• And re: Scarlett Johansson, let me just note that, when she first came out in her Black Widow costume, I heard the fellow next to me mumble "Not tight enough." Which was, you know, funny.
  
• And I think we were all supposed to cheer when Tony kissed Pepper but, yeah, the audience was pretty silent in its reaction to that.
• But one time when the audience was not silent was during the Twilight: Eclipse trailer. The mix of genuine moans of grief with sarcastic cheers was nearly deafening.
• And speaking of trailers, I think we saw the trailer for every single non-Sex and the City 2 movie coming out this summer and the bad news is: This summer is going to be boring, except for Inception, which will make us all go bonkers. And A-Team will prove to be sufficiently fun.
• Oh! In that A-Team trailer, remember the part where they blow up the window and toss the guy out the window? Why didn't Iron Man do anything that exciting or clever? I mean, he did break a map into pieces and drive it home in his convertible, that was pretty crazy I guess. And he invented an uninventable element in an afternoon, that was pretty cool I guess.
• Okay, now I'm not being sarcastic: I was down with the back to back Clash songs on the soundtrack, I thought it was going to be all AC/DC.
• And the Stark Blood Toxicity meter seemed awful thick. All those devices, all those see-through iphones and his blood checker is thicker than a deck of cards? Nonsense.
  
• Let's see, what else . . . what else
• Yeah, I just want to say again: This movie just needed more thrills that socked you in the gut, the "Heck Yeah!" moments shouldn't have all been over mini-ads for the next Marvel films. Things are going pretty dull if I find myself smiling to myself "Yeah! I knew it! I knew there'd be a secret message in the old film strip!"
  

I've said so much, I've said so little. So it goes.