Best Basically There Were No Almost No Good Movies This Summer

First, thanks to Tanner, here's the best GI Joe movie you'll see this summer. A-list cast, perfect costumes--Hollywood, do it like this next time: (LISTEN: In the old days, someone would tell me that an embed had gone wrong. What has the internet come to?)

The Ballad of G.I. Joe from Olivia Wilde

What I Thought of GI Joe: Okay. This movie was definitely not good BUT I am not mad at it, I do not want my money back, I do not want those two hours of my Friday night back. I would not watch it again, but I do not regret seeing it. At times the action was plenty exciting. I think it was daring to cast the movie with actors who, it appeared to me, had never been in a movie before or received training in acting. Also, by giving Snake Eyes a mouth they made him look like a Ninja Turtle and made me not be interested in him at all. Along those same lines, the movie was shamefully devoid of anything you could associate iconically with GI Joe. I expected a lot more character cameos--don't tell us there's 200 Joes on a sub but have them all be faceless dudes in camo. Much of the fun of the original X-Men movie was spotting other mutants, why rob us of that? Also, I got the strong feeling that when they made this movie they grabbed an old action movie script they had sitting around and changed the names to GI Joe characters. I guess the ultimate verdict on this movie is that it's an acceptable action movie and not much of a GI Joe movie and so much better than any of the Mummy movies (as they were directed by that dude and those movies were the worst).

What Roger Ebert Thought: Another totally awesome review by Mr. Ebert, here's three choice excerpts.

It is sure to be enjoyed by those whose movie appreciation is defined by the ability to discern that moving pictures and sound are being employed to depict violence.

There is never any clear sense in the action of where anything is in relation to anything else. You get more of a binary action strategy. You see something, it fires. You see something else, it gets hit. Using the power of logic, you deduce that the first thing was aiming at the second thing.

Yet I say this movie is certainly better than "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen." How so? Admittedly, it doesn't have as much cleavage. But the high-tech hardware is more fun to look at than the transforming robots, the plot is as preposterous, and although the noise is just as loud, it's more the deep bass rumbles of explosions than the ear-piercing bang of steel robots pounding on each other.