Best Aggravatingly Mysterious Photos

It took me a long time to decide if I'd post these pictures or not. You could say that the next three images are mildly disturbing. But I never said reading my blog would be easy, nor did I ever say that it would be worth it.

If you don't know the story behind these pictures, than you either don't know me or you do know me but we don't talk enough (or about the right things).

Okay, I just decided not to post the pictures but to post links to the pictures. Click if you dare . . . it's not like they're pictures from a mob hit, but I'll let you decide if you want to see them or not, so that you don't have to live in fear of what will happen if you type in "briggie.blogspot.com" again.

Broken Glass

Blood on the Floor

Blood on the Door

"And that's why you don't sing and dance and rock out in the shower!"

p.s. it was an accident, it wasn't me, no one died, we can all kind of laugh about it now, and the rock stars responsible for the incident stepped forward and took the blame.

Best Pre-Columbian America Live Action Action

Wait . . . is Mel Gibson making a Book of Mormon movie?

The Apocalypto trailer.

Best Luck

To my fellow New Yorkers: I hope we don't all die. And I hope I make it to the airport tonight. And I hope we're back to seeing stuff like bears on the subway soon.

Best Television Redemption

Wow. Tonight's Arrested Development was off the hook! So funny it could have been from Season One. Lots of Bluth in-fighting, no incredibly bizarre twists, turns, or subplots. The Bob Loblaw Law Blog? Luchas de Muchachos? Are you kidding me? Pure hilarity! Now I've got to be sad that the show is going away.

Also, there was this rap video called "Lazy Sunday" on Satuday's Saturday Night Live and it was fUnny. Maybe the best fake rap by white guys trying to act tough joke video ever? Please click, please watch (w/ turned up)

"You can Call Us Aaron Burr from the Way We're Droppin' Hamiltons"

Best Leaving of the House

I worked on my EU final from 5pm on Friday to 11 am on Saturday (I fell asleep for a while at some point, of this I'm pretty sure) and then, as a reward, dashed up to 109th street to package up some food at the Yorkville Common Pantry. It was an incredibly well-organized operation and I was just overjoyed to be talking to other people besides my doormen for the first time in two or three days.



So much food was bagged!



But it's not like all this "service" was entirely selfless . . . they compensated us us with bookmarks (not pictured. duh.)



Longtime NYC amigo Bryant is getting married next week, so I organized something of a bachelor's party which started with a little late night dinner at El Maguey y La Tuna (Turns out they recognize me there now. Yessss!)

How do you get to El Maguey y La Tuna? You walk through the pine forest on Houston . . .



And keep on going for blocks and blocks.



After dinner we went over to the Sunshine to catch a midnight screening of RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK!! (too bad they didn't have a sign with the name of the movie up, huh?)



It was me, Jeff, Jeff, and Bryant. Before the show we explained to each other what was best about Raiders.



Jeff gets to explaining . . .



As Jeff and Bryant listen.



Then I say "Hey, listen to me!"



And Bryant listens to me explain what's best about Raiders. You see, I'm a couple years older than Bryant, and that doesn't really make a difference now that we're both law students, but a 2 year age difference makes a big difference back in the 80s when Raiders first came out and one of us was just barely allowed to go see it and the other was totally not allowed to see it . . . so it's important to explain to people what it was like to have your parents let you go see Raiders but tell you when to close your eyes.



I had the fellows show me how awesome a time they were about to have . . .



And yeah, then we watched the movie and that was the Bachelor Party and that was my Saturday.

Best Wishes to You, Bryant.

(if you cretins know anything about manners then you'd know that you're not supposed to say 'congratulations' when people get married because it's not like it was a contest)

Best Good News?

I was almost hoping for the Transit Strike to start today because then we'd really have something to complain about . . . and I would be able to brag that it wouldn't affect me at all as I'm just walking to school and back all the time these days. Now that the strike hasn't started, it's a shame that everyone made such elaborate plans of whom they could stay with and how they could get to work and everything. Well, maybe if we're "lucky" there will be a strike starting Tuesday at 12:01 am (that's what the papers suggest [look at me, I just said "that's what the papers suggest" when we all know I mean "websites"]), which would be just perfect, as Tuesday evening I need to get to La Guardia. Not that I was planning on taking a bus there, but it could be a lot trickier to catch a cab.

I guess I'm just jealous that I missed out on the big blackout in 2003.

PS Taking my EU Law final today . . . I think. It's a pass/fail 24hr. take home, so I'm really strategizing about how much effort to put into it.

Best List of Villainous Moments

Steady Mobbin' posts can be divided amongst the following categories: Photojournaling, Concert Reviews (or, as Andrew would say, "Pictures of Guitars"), Arrested Development Related Content, Movie Trailer Links, Thoughts That Cross My Mind, Celebrity Sightings, and Geek Stuff. File this one under: Geek Stuff.

IGN.com just published a list of the Top 10 Villainous Moments in Comic Book history. I liked this list, because as I read it I thought: "Oh yeah, I remember that . . . that was totally villainous!" The list contains some real "Holy crap!" moments that made comic readers like myself go "Holy crap" as we read our comics. While certain events (the breaking of Batman's back, the Death of Superman, Ozymandius' alien attack) are a little overrated in my book, some of these other moments are truly legendary (the loss of Angel's wings [a special moment in comics history for me as this occurred just a few months after I became an official comic book fan], the crippling of Barbara Gordon, the death of Elektra) and others were truly vicious innovations by writers looking to spice up comics that had fallen into a rut (Magneto tearing out Wolverine's Adamantium) any true comic enthusiast can see the top two Villainous Moments coming down the track from a mile away. (You'll have to click through to see what they are). Any good group of nerds could sit and argue about why one edged out the other for the top spot and if that was the right decision, the editors at IGN explain their reasoning well and make a good argument for their decision. The article is Here. (For Geeks).

Best Reason to Pay More for Cable

Variety reports that ABC and Showtime (but mostly Showtime) have been in serious talks to pick up Arrested Development for a fourth season. Which is good news, especially if they never make another episode as bad as Monday night's. Seriously, I thought getting rid of Rita would improve the show, but the only thing I really liked about "Prison Break In" was that we learned how First Wife Tracy died (ovarian cancer). But that's not funny. In fact, I'd say the whole episode was a little bad natured and cruel. But not as bad natured and cruel as Arrested ending, so it's good to see that some networks have some sense (but I'd rather the show go to ABC, the restraints required by network TV are good for the show).

Best Thing I Ever Did?

I've done a few things in my life that other people thought were pretty great (I'll spare you the list, unless you beg for it) but two weeks ago I just got lazy and didn't shave one morning, or the next, or the next--next thing I know, it's been two weeks and my face is all fuzzy and you know what? Nothing I have ever done in my life ever has ever been met with such universal praise, support, and approval! While I sort of expect people to ask me things like "What's wrong with your face?" or "Why are you so lazy about shaving?" everyone is saying "Oooh, Brigham, I love your beard!" (They decided it was a beard, not me.) Girls I had previously considered mild mannered haven't been able to resist tugging at it and gentlemen on the street with "real" full-grown beards give me this look, this look that says: "Yes. Keep it up my son, you are well on your way."

So, even though it's all itchy, I'm sticking with not shaving for the next two weeks (if you know why two more weeks then you know why two more weeks, if you don't, then make sure to check in around Christmas) and who knows how far this little experiment will get.

Also! Having a beard gave me this really great idea for an invention: It's called "The Beard-Azzler" and it's a gun that studs your facial hair with rhinestones! But please, don't confuse "The Beard-Azzler" with "The Bear-Dazzler," an entirely different and far more dangerous decorating tool.

PS Something that might not meet with universal praise: My Federal Income Tax final that I'm taking Tuesday afternoon?

Best Brief Assessment of the Weekend

Is it just me, or was every single stinking showing of Brokeback Mountain in the city sold out this weekend? Did anyone else have this problem? I'm tempted to buy a bootleg DVD because getting into this movie is like trying to see Titanic.

UPDATE Along the same lines, here's the teaser trailer for Mission Impossible 3. I like the part at the end when Tom Cruise gets thrown against the side of the car and the back window breaks.

Best Friday Morning Miscellany

First of All: Did you get really jealous in July when you read about how I went and saw Mr. Brownstone, the Guns N Roses cover band? Well, you're in luck (if you are a New Yorker) as they're playing again this Friday night . . . with an opening band called "Bling Kong," which is clever. If a strong Guns N Roses imitation is what you need, North Six is where you should be (Tonight, Late).

Second of All: This is exactly the sort of thing I worry about whenever I fly into Midway.

Third: The trailer for Sophia Coppola's new Marie Antoinette movie is now online at AOL. I'm telling you now that if you watch this trailer at work with your computer's sound turned off and then go home and watch it again with the sound on you're going to be seeing two very different trailers . . . so I suggest you wait until you get home so you can listen to it as well as watch it. What am I talking about? Ms. Coppola has made an unusual choice for the song that plays during this dialogue-less trailer for her non-Baz Luhrman looking period piece film. What do I think? I think the tune ("Age of Consent" by New Order) is a brilliant choice because it says to me "Look how much fun it was to be Marie Antoinette! Would you care about poor people if you were Marie Antoinette?" Oh yeah, this is the link.

4th: It is slushy out there. My feet itch.

Best Hipster Quiz of Three Days Ago

On Gawker there's this "Are You a Hipster?" Quiz. I took it, I couldn't resist. Here's the quiz and my answers (if you're interested in taking it yourself maybe you should click over to Gawker and take it before reading my answers as they might taint your performance.) Before getting to my answers, shouldn't one get an automatic point for having been on Gawker in the first place?

1) Have you ever commented on Brooklyn Vegan?

No, but I read it daily.

2) Without looking it up, can you fill in the blanks in this sentence:
The Dark Room is on _______ between _______ and _______, but why are you going there? That place sucks now.

Ludlow, Houston, Stanton. But I only know this because I was walking up Ludlow once and said "Oh, so that's where the Dark Room is?" +1

3) Sure you’ve been to the Tribeca Grand before, but do you remember the name of the Saturday night party that, until recently, called the basement home?

Nope. But I'd certainly recognize it.

4) You’ve seen David Cross and [enter favorite Stroke here] at a bar, but you didn’t make a big deal out of it, right? After all, they’re just dudes hanging out.

The three of us were at the Paul Frank/Andy Warhol party . . . but I didn’t see them there.

5) In the past six months, have you been to two Fader-sponsored parties? (anybody can luck into one).

No, but I've been getting invites.

6) The ratio of free Sparks or Red Stripe that you’ve consumed to the number of Sparks or Red Stripe you’ve actually paid for is 2:1 or greater.

No, but only for the obvious reasons.

7) Do you know who Gavin McInnes, Michael T and Todd P are? (Give yourself 1 point for each.)

Gavin, Yes. He's one of the founders of Vice Magazine. +1

8) Have you been in a photo, even in the background of a photo, published on The Cobrasnake or Last Night’s Party?

Yes! Both! +1 (or 2? What are the rules?)

9) Do you know the name of the doorman at Misshapes and Motherf*cker?

Thomas something. He also worked the door at the Franz after party in the basement of the Tribeca Grand. +1

10) Do you know any of the details about why Death From Above had to change their name to Death From Above 1979?

Absolutely! Am I supposed to write an essay on this? It's because of DFA records, but James Murphy says it isn't his fault. +1

11) Do you know what Cornerstone is?

No.

12) Have you ever received anything for free — anything at all — from Cornerstone?

No.

13) Do you work for Cornerstone?

Yes. Wait . . . no.

14) Can you identify the fake UK buzz band in this group: Arctic Monkeys, Tiny Riot, Test-Icicles, Art Brut?

Tiny Riot. +1 (Do I get points for seeing each of these real bands’ first New York shows?)

15) Do you know the procedure for gaining entry into the Alife Rivington Club and Nom de Guerre?

Certainly. Also, I have taken my Mom to these places (or told her how to get in). +1

16) Famed graffiti artist Neckface designed T-shirts for a Williamsburg tattoo parlor that’s in the back of an art gallery on Berry and North 9th. Can you name the tattoo parlor?

No. But I want to.

17) During the summer season that somewhat recently concluded, guys: did you wear a T-shirt with a blazer? Girls: did you wear a pair of cowboy boots that you had bought before July?

Nope. But I have at other times.

18) Did you DJ at a party/bar/club in 2005?

No, unfortunately.

19) While having a conversation with someone in a bar, has the topic ever turned to how much you both hate Ultragrrrl, even though you both agreed on “how nice she is in person?”

Not exactly. We were discussing her during the Spin Magazine 20th Anniversary in the bar under Webster Hall, but no one agreed that she was nice in person.

20) Rejoice, the used clothing/record store now located in Williamsburg, was chased out of the Lower East Side because of surging rents. Do you know what LES street it used to be located on?

No. I mean, of course it was on Orchard (I checked and it was), but I've never heard of it.

21) During CMJ three months ago, did you attend two separate parties DJ’d by Steve Aoki … in the same day?

No, but almost.

22) Do the following letters mean anything to you: LVHRD?

Yes . . . I recognize them, and not just from the alphabet. +1

23) Were you invited to the Subways show at the Northsix tonight by +1?

No.

Result: 8 points

I resent this:

5-9 points: You are Culturally Aware. You understand what “indie rock” is (actually, I don’t. It’s the new word for “Alternative”, right?), and you can walk by the Angelika or Sunshine and recognize some of the titles playing, but you always say “Oh! I want to see that!” (not true. I know them all, always) and never do. You think the OC mix CDs are a great way to discover new bands (that’s just mean). You’ve started blowing off some get-togethers with friends for the occasional show at Webster Hall and Irving Plaza (I’ve mentioned that I’ve stopped going to shows, right?). Still, though, you’re not quite sure why it’s cool to like LCD Soundsystem (Not so. It’s cool to like them because they put on three of the best shows I saw this year) but bad to like The Bravery (it’s bad to like The Bravery because they put on the least-charismatic show I caught this year). You’re walking a fine line right now, and you could go either way.

But I don’t know why I’d want to argue myself into . . .

10-14 points: You are a Hipster. You seek out the latest and greatest music (I did until two weeks ago), and you might have a blog (hmm, maybe . . .). You go to shows at Mercury Lounge, Bowery Ballroom and Northsix several times a month (I did until two weeks ago), and most of your friends are hipsters, too (Not so much, or, I don't know . . . they'll need to take the quiz too). You have little in common with most co-workers or fellow students (You could say that). You’ve gazed longingly at the Misshapes photo gallery and considered it — maybe you’ve even gone once or twice (once.)— but guest lists and Happy Ending after-parties are still a foreign concept, even though you’d love to be a part of it. You’ve stopped hanging out above 14th Street (Duh.).

I feel that perhaps I am making myself quite vulnerable to criticism and evaluation with this post. Hey, all I wanted to do was take a test because it was late and I had been studying Income Tax all day.

I invite you to take this test and tell me how you did in my comments section (and tell me the answers to the ones that I didn't know.)

Best "Hey Wait a Second . . ."

Hey, wait a second.

Whatever happened to Pop Up Video? And Blind Date? I can accept there not being Pop Up Video anymore, but why isn't Blind Date on TV anymore? Wasn't I watching it enough, a few years ago? Oh, wait a second. I just used the internet and discovered that Blind Date is still on, but at 4 AM. Pop Up Video, however, is Gone.

Best Some Stuff from the Internet

These are some things I have clicked on recently:

A new Spike Jonze directed commercial for the Gap where customers and employees alike trash a Gap store. Apparently this is because the Gap is redesigning all of its stores. I don't know if this commercial is on TV yet, but it sounds like it airs with different music playing than what is played here, which is too bad, as this is good music Spike has picked out. (everything I just said is just stuff I found out from the very page I'm liking you to, so I'm redundant.)

It's nice if blogs have themes. Like, maybe a good theme for a blog would be patterns? Patterns from Brazil.

At the beginning of Monday night's fine new episode of Arrested Development they showed Buster getting his hook stuck in the dash of the stair car as he did the robot to Mr. Roboto. If you didn't already know, that was a joke about how Tony Hale (being the actor that plays Buster) "starred" in that commercial where the guy is dancing to Mr. Roboto in a VW Golf.

And last but not least, the teaser trailer for X-Men 3 is online. First impression: Storm likes to spin a lot. Cyclops has lots of fillings. A good way to figure out who is dead is to figure out who isn't at the funeral. Look at Jean Grey walking with Magneto's group of bad guys. Juggernaut, hmmm, I don't know what I think. Beast, hmmm, I'm not sure what I think. I was frustrated with X-Men 2 because I felt it didn't advance the "story" of the X-Men at all and thought the main villain (Col. Stryker) was lame. It doesn't seem this one is up to much interesting either . . . what I want is a new and awesome villain. Unless some of those laser blasts are coming from unseen Sentinels, I'm probably going to be let down by this movie. That said, it's a pretty well put together little teaser. If I don't think about it too much, I like it. Too bad I think so much.

Best You Tell Me

I think blogger was broken last night and no .blogspots in the universe were accessible between (more or less) six and midnight. Can anyone confirm this? Contest it? Care about it?

Best New Sayings

These are two expressions I invented this weekend. Feel free to use them yourself:

"Not the dumbest rock in the box."
"Not the cutest puppy in the window."

(Of course both need to be preceded by "He's/She's not . . .")

Also, I was wondering: Why hasn't anyone made a new version of Pippi Longstocking lately? Wouldn't people like that?

PS If I haven't already told you, it's finals time. Don't expect much from me, or of me. (Not that you had)

Best In My Face Diss

Snap!

Finally, something funny on the internet.

Best Update to Movie Trailer News

Over the weekend I posted a link to the leaked-version of the Dead Man's Chest trailer. Now Yahoo has the official version. You can sure see stuff a lot better.

I was nothing more than an almost innocent bystander.

Worst.

Aw man, Stan Berenstain died yesterday.

Two years ago I was in Washington DC during the National Book Fair and he and his wife were there, signing books like rockstars.



Remember how spooky that old tree was?

Best Again. Yawn.

November: 1900! On the nose! We murdered October!



But look at how Thanksgiving took the hits down to zilch. Imagine if there hadn't been a Thanksgiving, November might have topped 2000.



I'm predicting December doesn't do so well, based on how we'd all rather be celebrating our holidays than reading the internet.